HARD NEWS...

From our local newspaper:

The suspicious object that jammed traffic Monday on Interstate 75 and Daniels Parkway was not explosive, according to the Lee County Sheriff's Office.The device — found on the side of Daniels Parkway under the northbound I-75 overpass — was prosthetic penis.

I'm sure we'll be covering it from all... er... angles.

I Can't Take It Anymore...


Here's the newest word in the English language to piss me off: can't. Or.. "can not". Acording to dictionary.com: "can: is used to indicate physical or mental ability. Interesting. Even more interesting is the number of things people actually DO.. after telling you they CAN'T.

Just last night.. when one of our news crews was asked to cover (gasp) news.. they immediately informed us they CAN'T do that.. and finish the pre-arranged.. sit-on-my-ass-all-night story they had been "working" on for hours. How.. in a mere two hours.. could they drive four miles.. shoot a "vo" of a house.. drive ANOTHER four miles back.. and finish their "story"? A half hour was wasted arguing about how it CAN'T be done.. and yet.. it was. Imagine that. Apparently, they had both the physical and mental ability to get it done. You would think this would pleasantly surprise someone who, at first, thought themselves incapable. Apparently not.

Since I'm climbing back up on my soap box.. (didn't realize how out of shape I was).. I would like to point out the obvious. Telling the people you work with that you can't do your job.. is admitting you don't have the physical and/or mental ability to get it done. Now, sometimes, circumstances create a situation that is impossible to overcome. We can't be in two places at the same time. But isn't repeatedly saying you "can't" really PROVING that you're not qualified?

Or, perhaps, all of this is just another misuse of the English language. I love telling "PR-types" who tell me they "can't talk about it" how odd that is.. because we're talking about "it" as we speak. The confused look is priceless. At that point, I usually explain that we'll air a story that says.. Jane Doe WOULDN'T talk to us. In effect... she REFUSED. People often get angry at that. Just like people get angry at having to do something they said they "can't" do. Maybe some remedial English would help.

Oh well.. enough ranting. I just can't seem to get any work done today...

OK.. Here's the Situation...

...my parents left home on a week's vacation. Except, since I live in Florida, that vacation happened at my house. It's just the first of many excuses I have about why I said (in February) that I would start writing here.. and haven't.

Thankfully, a gentle "Ahem" from a friend reminded me (again) of what I had said.

Since I last wrote.. I have been on a cruise (invited as a guest speaker - I highly recommend this).. been to Miami on a "much too much like college again" weekend.. and now we're getting ready for another hurricane season. I'm really betting on the odds this time.. we're due some peace and quiet.

I'm working late tonight... which is why.. one hour from airtime.. I am looking for things to write (insert your own joke here). One of the night crews is trying to explain why - since they have to spend 20 minutes getting a "vo" of breaking news - they can't go live at 11:14pm... even though their package was written at 8:45pm. All of a sudden.. "because I said so" is starting to make a lot more sense.

Stay tuned.. I will write more than once per major ratings period.. lol.

IS ANYONE OUT THERE?

After a year and a half hiatus.. it's time to start writing again.

I changed the slogan at the top, in case you care.

I have nothing witty to say tonight. Just a need to put some thoughts on "paper" about everything that's going on. I have big decisions to make and this is either my way to help make them, or avoid thinking about them.

Stay tuned.. it will all come out. If you care to read it - it will be here.

But one month from tonight, I have to give a talk about blogs and how they're changing the world. I'm giving this talk on a cruise ship no less - to people who are paying thousands of dollars to see the Caribbean and be "edu-tained" in the meantime.

What I know about blogs is what I read about and on them - and I read a lot.. especially since the now-infamous "Rathergate" story.

So.. I have to begin collecting my thoughts on blogs.. on the next step in my career.. on things still on my "TO DO" list (caps intentional) as I approach a milestone birthday.. and make decisions about what to do. One thing I know.. I'm on the move. Can't wait to see where I'm going.

TICK TOCK

The second hand slowly makes its way through the neverland between the numbers, but the clock's other appendages don't seem to move.

I still - almost 20 years later - remember that high school was over at 2:35 every day. I know that because I spent approximately 720 afternoons staring the clock waiting for time to stop standing still.

Now - with nine days to go until vacation.. I find myself in much the same position.. checking my watch two or three times in the same minute - wondering how the hours will pass when the minutes don't. My mind has already boarded the plane and gone west, making it much harder for my body to function here in the east. Pronouncing words (a rather integral component to the way I support myself) has been quite a challenge.

Hmmm... ok.. this passed six minutes. Not bad... maybe I'll clean my desk now. That could fill up the rest of the week..

TWO LASHES WITH A WET TENTICLE

I'm too tired to offer any deep thoughts - so here are a few simple ones.

I got stung by a jellyfish today.. one of the small ones with really long tenticles (or whatever they really are) behind it. It felt like what I imagine a lash with a whip would feel like across my chest. The pain is going away quickly - but I feel cheated because there's no mark on my skin. If it's gonna hurt.. you should have something to show for it.

I thought it was interesting to note that of New York, Detroit and Cleveland - it was Cleveland that had the only significant crime problem during the recent blackouts. New Yorkers have just been through too much to care about literal darkness after surviving (save for 3,000 brothers and sisters) the blackness of September 11. I don't know what the deal was in Detroit - maybe they just decided to behave to be different.

A follow up to my July 7 posting: The weeds are back. My sense of triumph is temporarily dashed.. mostly because I don't feel like going back and pulling them again. There's a metaphor here worth exporing sometime...

And finally tonight - it's time to cram for a final. A few months ago I decided to finish the classes required to sit for the Certified Financial Planner exam. I started taking them in 1993.. so I'm on the "extended study plan". I have two weeks to get ready and take the test (and, thankfully, two chances to take it). I just remembered that the things I liked most about school had very little to do with taking tests.

THAT GUY

A good friend, who founds himself with this week free of work responsibilities, left Monday on a journey to see some of Florida's attractions.

He will not, at any time this week, see a two-legged mouse with black ears, or visit any cafeteria-style restaurant where you can eat dinner before 6pm for $4.99.

Instead, he will venture to South Beach, then spend two days following The Dead (the un-dead ones along with an at-least semi-conscious singer named Bob) from Florida's east coast to the west. (When you're 30 you get to call two days in a row of concerts "following".)

Then - if all goes back as planned - it will be back to South Beach to round out the week. He left with one goal - to be "that guy." In each place, on each day, he will work to be the subject of several stories in weeks to come, told by total strangers in foreign places, that begin with "You wouldn't believe that guy..." Stories that will, no doubt, get better every time they're told.

I last heard from this friend at 2am on Tuesday - when he called from South Beach (a 100 or so miles from here) because he wanted pizza and apparently, over the phone, I could be of some help. I'm going to guess that if that was the start of the week, he's reached his goal. I hope by the time he gets back home he remembers the stories...

UNFUCK ME

Most of us - especially those who work in television news - understand what "fucked up" means - whether in the work or personal sense.

And we all know how useful fuck is as a word.

Ladies and gentlemen - I submit to you perhaps the only word that is MORE useful: unfuck.

For example - this week I spent time unfucking (add "up" here if it makes you more comfortable) the story one of our photographers shot with no natural sound.

Another photographer spent this morning unfucking the non-linear editing system that someone dismantled overnight for a reason that, even if God knows, he's not telling.

Your accountant might unfuck your last tax return after the IRS calls.

You get it - entering the situation after someone else has fucked it up - and making it right. In other words - working.

Only problem I can't work out yet - is that "Unfuck you" just doesn't work. Ideas?

WEED THERAPY

Stop snickering. It's not what you think. :)

The Hulk may be a bad movie - but it's (they've) been living in my yard for the past year. I have no shortage of things that turn ugly, big and green seemingly in minutes. Florida grows weeds like South Carolina grows kudzu.

So, I've spent the last few months trying every weed killer on the market.. then trying to keep up the bionic (better, stronger, faster) replacements. Until finally - about three weeks ago and quite by accident - I discovered that if you don't kill them first - you can get rid of them faster and for longer. It seems that, down here, most weeds grow horizontally underground on vines - rather than vertically from roots. So, if you grab a live strong one and pull you'll tear the whole damn thing from the ground.

This may seem borderline pathetic to you - but it's actually been an amazing experience. Over and over - yards of weeds coming up from the ground. Instant and repeated gratification! I'm writing this because everyone here is tired of hearing me talk about it. But I'm finally winning! Whole trash cans full of weeds are going up in smoke...

Sigh... maybe I've been out in the sun too long.

IT RAINED SO HARD..

All together: "How hard did it rain?"

It rained so hard that birds couldn't stay in the air or in the trees. They were all huddled together on the ground at the tree trunks trying to stay above water. Quite a sight..