A quiet place to think out loud Who put the filling in the pie in the sky?
Thursday, July 25, 2002
MMMMMMM.... BEER
Beer and the quotes it has helped create over the years...
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the
morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
--Frank Sinatra
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
--William Butler Yeats
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
--Ernest Hemingway
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
--Ernest Hemingway
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
--Dean Martin
Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it.
--Anonymous
No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink.
--G.K. Chesterton
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
--Catherine Zandonella
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
--Ambrose Bierce
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
--Anonymous
Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat hairy girls.
-- Ross Levy
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to
thank her.
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
--W.C. Fields
Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.
--Anonymous
If God had intended us to drinkbeer, He would have given us stomachs.
--David Daye
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
--Oscar Wilde
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
--Michelle Mastrolacasa
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
--Tom Waits
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
--Stephen Wright
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven...
--Brian O'Rourke
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it
helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
--Frank Zappa
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol
has taken out of me.
--Winston Churchill
He was a wise man who invented beer.
--Plato
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
--Benjamin Franklin
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
--Dave Barry
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
--Humphrey Bogart
Why is Australian beer served cold?
So you can tell it from urine.
--David Moulton
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
--Kaiser Wilhelm
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
--Homer Simpson
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and
oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital
ingredient in beer.
I drink to make other people interesting.
--George Jean Nathan
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
--Homer Simpson
STUFF TO READ WHEN YOU'RE BORED... (or REALLY need a story idea)
One cigarette destroys 25-100 mg. of vitamin C!
Milk with synthetic vitamin D (which means almost all store-bought milk) can rob the body of magnesium!
People who live in smoggy cities are not getting the vitamin D that their country cousins get because the smog absorbs the sun's ultraviolet rays!
Daily "happy hours" of more than one cocktail can cause depletion of vitamins B1, B6, and folic acid!
Eighty percent of American women are deficient in calcium! Ten million American women take oral contraceptives and most of them are unaware that the pills can interfere with the availability of vitamins B6, B12, folic acid, and vitamin C
American men rank thirteenth in world health, American women sixth.
Children need one-and-a-half to two times more protein per pound of body weight than adults--and babies need three times more!
Cancer researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have found that vitamins C and E and certain chemicals called indoles, found in cabbage, brussels sprouts, and related vegetables in the crucifer family, are potent and apparently safe inhibitors of certain carcinogens!
Vitamin B1 can help fight air and seasickness.
If you're on a high-protein diet your need for B6 increases! Onions, garlic, radishes, and leeks all contain a natural antibiotic called allicin, which can destroy disease germs without sweeping away the friendly bacteria in the process!
Aspirin can triple the rate of excretion of your vitamin C!
Eighteen pecan halves can fumish an entire day's supply of vitamin F.
Frequent consumption of foods containing artificial flavors, colors, MSG, and other additives can diminish the effectiveness of the immune system without the aid of minerals.
And though the body can synthesize some vitamins, it cannot manufacture a single mineral.
Raw peanuts contain enzyme inhibitors that make it difficult for your body to digest protein.
Bran is not a balanced food.
Pasta packed in clear cellophane, or with large cellophane windows, is subject to nutrient loss.
Water softeners can unhealthily increase your daily salt intake.
A main ingredient of margarine-hardened vegetable oil may be even worse for your health than saturated fat.
Blueberries, blackberries, and red cabbage are actually better for you if cooked! Yellow and red onions, red grapes, and broccoli are rich in quercetin, a newly discovered anticancer agent that the University of California tab studies have shown can suppress malignant cells before they form tumors.
Olive oil is one of the best heart disease fighting natural foods available.
The easiest way to rid your body of excess sodium is to flush it out by drinking 6 to 8 glasses of salt-free water daily.
There may be a connection between toothpaste (with its crystalline abrasives, foaming agents and other additives) and bowel diseases such as ulcerative colitis, Chrohn's disease and irritable bowel syndrome.
It's advisable to always rinse your mouth well after brushing and to try to avoid swallowing any toothpaste.
There is more to smoking than the average seven-year drop in life expectancy reported by the American Cancer Society. ELEVEN YEARS MORE! New studies show that life expectancy between smokers and non-smokers differs by 18 years!
The mineral "boron" (found in apples, grapes, grape juice and raisins) may retard bone loss in women after menopause. Also, boron helps women on ERT (estrogen replacement therapy) keep the estrogen in their blood longer.
Avoiding black coffee may help you avoid cancer of the esophagus. Tannin, found in coffee and tea, is a suspected carcinogen. The protein in milk, though, neutralizes tannin, rendering it non-absorbable by the body.
Bugs Bunny was right! Carrots may help keep plaque from forming on artery walls and help prevent heart attacks in people with artherosclerosis. Eating one large carrot daily will give you approximately 11,000 IU of vitamin A from beta-carotene!
We've all seen the Seinfeld episodes about the close-talker.. the low-talker.. y'all (I still can't give that one up) can help me come up with what to call this particular person who, after we had spent all of 30 seconds together, started talking to me like we were old friends. He's got that wet-behind-the-ears reporter thing going that makes Jimmy Olsen seem like a Pulitzer prize winner.
Example: He thought is was hilarious to shout "stand by" as he walked by me while I was waiting to do a news tease one afternoon last week. Now - if it was someone I knew - that would be funny - as those quick pranks go... it most likely would have drawn a response completely inappropriate for a room with live microphones. But considering we had just met.. it just struck me as odd. But no big deal - until the next time it happened.
Otherwise.. no real news to report. Oh - it's still hot here.
Actually.. right now.. it would be nice if it would stop. I'm sitting in the newsroom... waiting out a power-pour of South Florida rain. Coming from a place where all I heard for four years was WE REALLY COULD USE THE RAIN.. I'm here to tell you.. we get plenty of it down here. I estimate the distance between the back door and my car at about 100 cubic gallons right now. Of course, I have a huge umbrella - in the backseat.
Otherwise.. things are settling into a routine here. I guess after two weeks - that's not too bad. It seems like I've been here longer. I'm starting to know my way around without having to consult a map.. I can actually can GIVE directions now on occasion. I find things without circling around and around.
Actually - I don't have a lot to say... I guess that's a good thing at this point. I still don't have a TV.. but I'd be lying if I said I miss it much - except that I haven't had a chance to see myself on this station - and make sure I look OK. The feedback is generally good.. get along well with co-anchors. Our consultant told me tonight that I need to look at my co-anchors more on two shots. I've put that down between Confucius and Socrates on my list of "what wise guys say".
And let me repeat.. for anyone who missed it.. the new house has a GUEST ROOM and a POOL. Operators are standing by to take reservations...
OK.. so I've never actually been there. But I spent this Saturday night on South Beach Miami - and from what I've heard of the Thai Town... it ain't really that different.
We went to three different places. I was with a college friend.. who is now a main anchor in Miami - and very into the SoBe SCENE. Two of his friends - other TV types from Houston and DC - were also there. I've been out down there before.. but never when we had a schedule of parties and clubs to hit. What a trip.
We went to one of the clubs where Jennifer and P-Diddy hang out when they're in town. They weren't there this weekend.. but Justin
Timberlake was. The only reason I know this is because someone pointed him out.. and because half the place was on their cell ph ones to report the sighting to someone not fortunate enough to be there.
Another stop at a birthday party for someone who is integral to the many other parties that go on there every weekend. It's another hot new place (quite literally this weekend because the air was broken) done out all in red.. with a "kiss" theme. I bought the first round of drinks - for three of us - $40. My best/worst night at the CP never cost me $40. But there's no red velvet either...
The funniest part of all is trying to tell who is what when you're all mashed together in one of these places. I knew for sure that the 6'6" blond with bright red nails and lipstick to match was a guy.. that was the only sure thing other than the people I arrived with - and the ones they introduced me to. The girls dancing on the make-shift stage were.. I'm fairly certain.. also guys. Great people watching.. (I'm relatively sure they were all people - well.. with one exception).
Not a bad way to spend a Saturday night.. but I can only do that once or twice a year. Those guys do that every week.. sometimes a couple or three times a week. The old art deco buildings that are being redone into hotels and clubs are worth the trip alone.. in the daytime when it's quiet you can actually look around.. But by night.. it's a whole different scene..
Some house pictures. Many of them are for insurance.. so there are some blank walls and garage pictures. Ignore those and check out the pool. :)
AND NOW A FOLLOW-UP STORY....
The aforementioned lunch with the residents of Del Boca Vista happened today. We discussed the troubles involved with dialing "9" first.. argued over or not it was better to return calls immediately after they come in or wait until they all come in and then return them (it was 7 to 2 in favor of immediately).. and agreed that a space heater is needed in the volunteer room where it's just too darn cold year 'round. I'll pass along the minutes of our next meeting.
Apparently someone - I won't PRODUCE any names at this point - decided that since I no longer work at a certain place.. I should be cast out of the movie version that will some day tell the various tales of life there. Perhaps said person forgets that as an INVESTIGATOR.. I tend to hear things from inside, unnamed sources. I am pleased to note that I have a special appearance in the movie.. as do other former employees who have gone on to work at other places. I would like to know how extensive my guest appearance role will be. I'll have my people call yours... for script approval. :)
Since today is Sunday.. and I'm being lazy.. I'll let these pictures speak for me. They're pix of the house I'm staying in temporarily.. and one from the beach at Sanibel where I spent this morning. Now, back to my laziness...
Contrary to popular opinion.. this is not a retirement community. True - there are many older people here.. but there are many young ones, too. However - for this story - if you haven't seen the Seinfeld episode where Jerry's father is impeached from the condo board - go watch it first.
Where I work we have a staff of nine volunteers who answer our "Action" hotline. The youngest is about 70. They help people work through problems.. and categorize the calls so we can pick out stories. Next Thursday, we're having a lunch so that I can get to know them. But I've already met a couple of them.
There are two men and seven women. I met one of the men yesterday. He asked me if I could get the phones in the building fixed. They don't work right. I told him I would look into it. One of the others informed me that Guy's problem is that he can't remember to dial "9" before each call. The other volunteer promptly rolled his eyes.
But Guy 2 - as Guy 1 will quickly tell you - will talk your ear off. I've been warned by others that when you see him coming, duck into the first available doorway. But he can use the computer.
I met one of the volunteers - a smiling lady wearing enough rouge to color a Yugo. She was introduced as "one of our volunteers." "I'm the Director of Volunteers," she corrected before shaking my hand and then telling me how things worked around here. Apparently there was quite a bit of infighting the last time a director was chosen. The other 8 will tell you all about it... and why THEY were better qualified.
There was also a fiasco when two were chosen to go on TV and help solicit new volunteers. Even the one with the German accent so thick you can't understand her in person was miffed that she wasn't part of that.
It's funny.. sad.. and a lesson in human nature all at once. But, for now, it's my slice of Del Boca Vista on the "West Coast."
...and greetings from Sunny (sometimes) Florida. I finally have internet access.. so I feel connected to the real world again. I haven't written in a while.. (the incomplete post below is one I started last week when the movers were at my house in Greenville).. and I have a lot to say. I might not get to it all tonight.
First - and most importantly - a big THANK YOU to everyone of my dear friends in South Carolina. You don't know how much I've missed you since I've left. It seems like last Wednesday was a year ago now - so much has happened. But I can't say thanks too many times for all of the kind thoughts.. fun.. conversations.. food and DRINKS we had together. Not just the ones right before I left - but all of them. I think of you all often.. and can't wait until we can do all of that together again. The Brad-o-ween pictures made me smile.. but sent a little pang through me at the same time. I was there in spirit.
I've started my new job. The first day was a little stressful. I realized again what a great place I had left. The station where I work now is a very good one... the one I left is an excellent one. There's a difference. I start anchoring on Monday - and I'm looking forward to that. We started shooting stories today. Everyone of you in Greensboro should hug your photographer tomorrow. I have a great journalist/producer.. and we'll work on the TV part. The people are very nice - I went out for sushi tonight with about eight women who work there. Tomorrow night is "Wet Wednesday" - a happy hour - perhaps not as exciting as it sounds. I'll have a drink there and think of my "usual" Wednesday night gang.
The most interesting thing at work - and it's still a secret - is that the guy I replaced is being rehired as an investigative reporter. That threw me at first (especially since it happened on the same day I bought a house - more on that later). My new boss took me to dinner on Sunday night to tell me.. and to let me know that it doesn't change anything we agreed to when I moved here. I still anchor.. I still have the franchise.. I still get what I was promised over the four years. BUT - he (we'll call him Larry).. was here for 15 years. His pictures are on everyone's desks from his goodbye. I sit in "Larry's desk" and anchor "Larry's shows" .. and now Larry will be in the building! Time to toughen up the skin..
Now - about the house. It rocks. A little further from the station than I wanted (about 20 minutes).. but exactly what I wanted. The pool is only a few years old.. and the house is in great shape. A few unfortunate color choices aside.. it's ready when I am. It's at the end of a long straight road that's lined by palm trees.. and it's just two houses in from the river. It has a guest room (HINT!!!) and plenty of room for friends and poolside barbecues.
Otherwise - I spent Sunday on a boat.. touring the area by sea. Most of the time before that was spent looking at houses and trying to figure out which box each part of my life is in.
I'll be taking pictures and making more phone calls soon.. and I'll write here a lot more. Despite all of the great things that have happened.. being here when you all are there has been hard at times. I'm looking forward to Vegas and Leaf... and the time between now and then!
