THAT GUY

A good friend, who founds himself with this week free of work responsibilities, left Monday on a journey to see some of Florida's attractions.

He will not, at any time this week, see a two-legged mouse with black ears, or visit any cafeteria-style restaurant where you can eat dinner before 6pm for $4.99.

Instead, he will venture to South Beach, then spend two days following The Dead (the un-dead ones along with an at-least semi-conscious singer named Bob) from Florida's east coast to the west. (When you're 30 you get to call two days in a row of concerts "following".)

Then - if all goes back as planned - it will be back to South Beach to round out the week. He left with one goal - to be "that guy." In each place, on each day, he will work to be the subject of several stories in weeks to come, told by total strangers in foreign places, that begin with "You wouldn't believe that guy..." Stories that will, no doubt, get better every time they're told.

I last heard from this friend at 2am on Tuesday - when he called from South Beach (a 100 or so miles from here) because he wanted pizza and apparently, over the phone, I could be of some help. I'm going to guess that if that was the start of the week, he's reached his goal. I hope by the time he gets back home he remembers the stories...

UNFUCK ME

Most of us - especially those who work in television news - understand what "fucked up" means - whether in the work or personal sense.

And we all know how useful fuck is as a word.

Ladies and gentlemen - I submit to you perhaps the only word that is MORE useful: unfuck.

For example - this week I spent time unfucking (add "up" here if it makes you more comfortable) the story one of our photographers shot with no natural sound.

Another photographer spent this morning unfucking the non-linear editing system that someone dismantled overnight for a reason that, even if God knows, he's not telling.

Your accountant might unfuck your last tax return after the IRS calls.

You get it - entering the situation after someone else has fucked it up - and making it right. In other words - working.

Only problem I can't work out yet - is that "Unfuck you" just doesn't work. Ideas?

WEED THERAPY

Stop snickering. It's not what you think. :)

The Hulk may be a bad movie - but it's (they've) been living in my yard for the past year. I have no shortage of things that turn ugly, big and green seemingly in minutes. Florida grows weeds like South Carolina grows kudzu.

So, I've spent the last few months trying every weed killer on the market.. then trying to keep up the bionic (better, stronger, faster) replacements. Until finally - about three weeks ago and quite by accident - I discovered that if you don't kill them first - you can get rid of them faster and for longer. It seems that, down here, most weeds grow horizontally underground on vines - rather than vertically from roots. So, if you grab a live strong one and pull you'll tear the whole damn thing from the ground.

This may seem borderline pathetic to you - but it's actually been an amazing experience. Over and over - yards of weeds coming up from the ground. Instant and repeated gratification! I'm writing this because everyone here is tired of hearing me talk about it. But I'm finally winning! Whole trash cans full of weeds are going up in smoke...

Sigh... maybe I've been out in the sun too long.