A quiet place to think out loud Who put the filling in the pie in the sky?
Wednesday, February 19, 2003
BREAKING NEWS...
Google buys blogger.com. Maybe it will be easier to get search engine listings now.
AND THIS MAY BE TRUE OR NOT...
...but if you work for a media company.. whether or not it's actually true doesn't take away from the truth in the story:
A Funny Flap Over Philly Long Johns
STEVE OTTO
The office manager was waiting for me. That's never a good sign around here. I wondered whether I should have written on both sides of the pages of that reporter's notebook they gave me last year.
``Mary Beth at the business office called,'' she said. ``There is a problem with your expense account form from Philadelphia.''
I wasn't surprised. If you have to fill out an expense account form, that means you aren't an executive who has someone to do these things right. It also means you shouldn't be going somewhere where money is likely to be spent.
A few months ago, in an effort to keep employees from asking to go anywhere on behalf of the company, Mother Trib came out with a form so convoluted that the IRS couldn't figure it out.
Now you have to figure out your expenses on some electronic computer form and then paste your receipts on white paper to be sent separately.
You can imagine the chances of both such operations actually agreeing with each other, and I wasn't expecting things to go smoothly after Philadelphia.
The company had sent me to Philly for the Bucs' National Football Conference championship game with the Eagles. That meant I would be in the same hotel with sportswriters and maybe even some players. No Motel 8 this time. It was going to be big bucks, even if we ate cheesesteak sandwiches three times a day.
But it turned out our business department didn't blink an eye at those big bucks.
No, not the room service prices or the five bucks for a glass of iced tea. Not the $28 a night the hotel charged just to park a rental car or the time the sportswriters - well, we won't go into that one.
Nope, the business department only had one complaint.
It was the long johns.
Look, Philadelphia was cold. I mean bone-shaking, nose-numbing cold. And the deal was that I was supposed to meander around in the cold and find something to write about.
On game day, the idea was that I would hang around outside Veterans Stadium for five or six hours before the game even started.
Fortunately, there was a Kmart in downtown Philly, and I headed straight for the long john department. They had a sale for $6.
Surely, I figured, the company would be willing to cover my freezing assets.
``What am I supposed to do?'' I asked the office manager, accepting defeat. ``Do they want it in cash or a check?''
``Neither,'' she said. ``They want the long underwear.''
``They want my long johns?'' I repeated, in disbelief.
``They aren't yours,'' she said. ``They belong to the Tribune.''
``Well, OK,'' I said, ``but you know they are used. Am I supposed to wash them? And if I do, are they going to reimburse me for washing them?''
The office manager walked off. I could tell she was trying to remember whether things like this were ever in her job description.
Actually, I don't mind bringing in the long johns. After all, the company did pay for them, and I figure the chances are pretty slim that I'll ever be sent again anywhere I might need them.
The question, though, is what will the company do with underwear?
About the only thing that comes to mind is that we have a helicopter landing pad on top of the parking garage, and I've noticed the windsock needs some repair.
The long johns would look beautiful up on top of the garage, although it might take a pretty big wind to get those things flapping.
Ironic: A literary style employing such contrasts for humorous or rhetorical effect.
Not Ironic: Rain on your wedding day, good advice that you just didn't take, etc.
Truly ironic: $50,000 a year english professor complaining about how a singer that has made more than $50,000,000 just doesn't get it. Maybe the Goddess Under Covers got the big picture after all.
We've all been in an upscale, perhaps geographically named, Bread Company or other similar store and seen the samples of bread or cookies on the counter. They hope, obviously, one bite and you'll want a dozen.
This morning, at the numerically named convenience store where I purchase the morning newspaper, there was a sample tray of sausage and egg english muffins. Think back to the last time you ate one of these - they're really not intended to stay in any one place for a long time (stomach included). And, since I doubt they were made fresh anytime in the last week (or perhaps even microwaved fresh any time this morning).. I can't imagine anyone grabbing for a sample and realizing they just had to have one.
I wonder if at some point an employee will notice them and think, "Oh no, they've gotten cold." Of course, if you put little sample cups of a certain fizzy "relief" concoction next to them on the counter - you might clean out.. er... up.
... I was too lazy to look back though the archives. I'm pretty sure it is, But, in any event, here's the rant du jour (RdJ for future reference):
Those of us who make our living in journalism (usually) understand that words have both correct and specific meanings. A police officer and a sheriff's deputy, for example, are different things though they are often confused.
Most things are pretty straight forward. For example: the definition of the word "appointment" according to a popular dictionary: "An arrangement to do something or meet someone at a particular time and place." And, just so no one gets Clintonesqe with the word "particular" (from the same dictionary): "Of, belonging to, or associated with a specific person, group, thing, or category; not general or universal."
With that in mind - I'm am now in the fifth hour of a four hours window for a delivery "appointment." Forget for a moment that businesses have made it acceptable to use the word appointment to describe a large window of time when they may or may not show up - I challenge anyone who knows more about math than I do (which is just about anyone) to explain to me how a four hour window can have a fifth hour.
But, alas, that's not the only liberty we've taken with words today. Said delivery company called me at 9:30 this morning to say they're "just down the street." Apparently, they meant just down A street. At least "appointment" has a few syllables. I guess this shouldn't be surprising from a store that bills itself as "THE (state I live in) Store.." Of course, THE store is in a mall full of other stores...
And, imagine my surprise when the customer service rep told me that the items being delivered here weren't even on a delivery truck at 9:30am when I got the call from said "DELIVERY" person who was down A street somewhere in this STATE of confusion.
I called customer service to review the definitions of these words - and offer the use of my dictionary to help them with their word selection. Amazingly enough, the customer service rep decided it was easier to refund the SERVICE charge (service: work DONE for others) than go through each of the words I wanted to help them use more correctly (I added a couple of other words with equally precise definitions that I won't print here).
Now if I could just get through to the cable company...
Totally off the record... I was told the story of a pilot who was flying from SFA to LAX with a blind passenger on board along with his Seeing Eye dog.
The flight was already running 45 minutes late and everyone on board was pretty ticked off.
Unexpectedly, the plane had to make a stop in Sacramento on the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be another 45-minute delay, and if passengers wanted they could get off the aircraft, they would reboard in 30 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except the man that was blind. Apparently he was a regular on this flight and his dog lay quietly underneath the seat in front of him the entire flight.
The pilot, who had become friends with his frequent blind passenger, asked him if he'd like to get out and stretch his legs. He declined but did ask that he take his dog off for a quick stretch.
All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with the Seeing Eye dog. The pilot was even wearing sunglasses.
People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, they also were trying to change airlines.
Whether you favor a Palm Pilot, sun dial, or regular ole calendar - you can - with a simple calculation or two - see that I haven't written here for a while. Technical problems frustrated me - then I forgot all about it. Actually, there are still several technical issues. The links are gone - I don't even remember what they were. The comments are partially back - that took a lot of work. I'm not really sure what reminded me that this was even here. All of a sudden, it seemed pretty important to have it back... even if I'm not promising how regularly I'll write anything.
I'm having one of those "out of sorts" weeks one of my good friend often writes about. I don't have a funny story to share. I could rant about TV news (picture if you will: a local Fox affilliate taking two local DJ's to karaoke night and creating a local version of "Americal Idol".. making people stay tuned until 10:50 to see it.. then showing three people singing.. and teasing tomorrow night's 'story'). Enough said.
But I really don't have anything to say. So, considering this is my third paragraph, I guess that's not bad for having nothing to say. Maybe Fox4 is hiring...
